


Never Gonna Happen (LOL)

by Focal_Jinx



Category: Beelzebub (Anime & Manga)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-25
Updated: 2015-11-25
Packaged: 2018-05-03 07:43:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5282501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Focal_Jinx/pseuds/Focal_Jinx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A frustrating situation leads Oga to do something he usually avoids. He ends up liking it (maybe).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Gonna Happen (LOL)

Demon words, Furuichi decided, were the worst. Quetzalcoatl’s puzzles had been annoying enough, but this was just obnoxious. For the past hour, Furuichi, Oga, and Beel had been trying to navigate through a series of tunnels underneath some Demon World ruins. They had originally come to the ruins to fetch the Gugundra (whatever _that_ was) but due to some unfortunate circumstances (namely Oga) the group ended up falling through a hole in the ruin’s floor and down into an underground labyrinth.

Going back through the hole should have been no problem but it appeared that the labyrinth was protected by demon word spells. 

“Fool!” Hilda had snapped through the communicator. “Can’t you even handle a simple errand? I knew I should have gone with you.”

“Shut up!” Oga snapped back. “It’s not my fault! Beel was the one running around and messing with everything!”

“Adah!” Beel waved around the nose he had broken off a statue.

“Scum, don’t you dare blame Young Master for your stupidity. He was obviously eager to complete his mission and you got in the way!" Oga’s fist tightened in anger so Furuichi interrupted the conversation before Oga ended up crushing the communicator and their only way to contact the outside world.

“There seems to be something preventing us from getting back out the way we came,” Furuichi informed Hilda. “The only other way is down these tunnels but would that be safe for us to do?” Oga said something about his strength but was ignored.

“I’m not entirely sure. I wasn’t even aware that labyrinth existed in the first place,” Hilda admitted. “Have you tried calling Alaindelon?”

“Yeah, but he hasn’t shown up.”

“Hm. I was afraid of this,” Hilda said darkly. “This is probably some ancient demon protection at work. You’ll have no choice but to make your way through the labyrinth.”

“Seriously?” Furuichi groaned. At his side, Oga kicked at the wall in frustration.

“Don’t screw with me!” he shouted. “I didn’t even want to come here in the first place! I’m not gonna waste my time wandering aimlessly!” 

While Oga raged, Beel toddled away to the pieces of wall that crumbled from Oga’s kick. He only had time to poke at them a few times before they reformed. It was as if the delinquent had never damaged the wall in the first place. Beel squealed with excitement, regaining the attention of the others.

“Whoa, the wall fixed itself,” observed Furuichi. Then he sighed. “I guess we won’t be able to bust our way out of here.”

“What do you mean _we?_ ” Oga scoffed but Hilda cut him off with sudden enthusiasm.

“If the wall fixed itself then that must mean the Gugundra is somewhere in that labyrinth!” she exclaimed. “Well done, Young Master! You’ve discovered the Gugundra’s location!” 

“Hold up one second!” Oga growled. “You said _I_ was the reason we ended up in this mess so you should be praising me!”

 _Why are you getting jealous over a baby?_ Furuichi deadpanned to himself.

“Fool. You’re such a fool, Oga Tatsumi. Didn’t I warn you not to get in the Young Master’s way? In fact, just die.” The communicator was in danger of getting crushed again so Furuichi hurriedly jumped into the conversation.

“So basically we just have to find this… Gugundra… and get out of here, right?”

“What is a gundrop anyway?” Oga asked. He was ignored. 

“Yes,” said Hilda. “But be careful. You will probably run into more demon words as you travel throughout the labyrinth and brute strength won’t be enough to get passed them.”

“Keh,” Oga scuffed the ground with his shoe. “What a pain.”

“And remember,” Hilda’s tone turned dangerous. Oga and Furuichi stared at the communicator attentively. “I don’t give a shit about whether you live through this or die. Just make sure my Master gets back safely.” 

The communicator turned silent and Furuichi snatched it away from Oga before he crumpled it in his fingers (he managed to get it away with only a few dents). Beel climbed back onto Oga’s shoulders, not really understanding what was going on, but he laughed at Oga’s gritted teeth anyway.

 

~~ Beelzebub ~~

 

Furuichi came up with the plan to follow the right side of the tunnel walls ( _That’s how they do it in the movies!_ ). However, it soon became apparent that no matter what strategy they employed, the labyrinth would have the final say in where they ended up. 

In fact, the labyrinth had a familiar sentience to it. An extremely annoying sentience.

“Passing through this room requires a sacrifice!!!” blathered the face that had magically appeared in the bricks. “Squash exactly ten centipedes and you can pass on to the next room! Any more or less squashed and you will be sent back three tunnels! Failure to do any squashing and you will be trapped here forever!!! Never gonna let you out! Definitely not gonna happen! Absolutely never! (LOL!!!)”

“Ancient demon words my ass!” Oga shrieked. “You’re just that stupid demon instruction manual!” 

“Aaah! Adabuh!” Beel growled in imitation of his father.

“Well, in any case,” placated Furuichi, “let’s just hurry and squash those centipedes.” Being trapped in a room with a temperamental delinquent and a demon king with full access to his powers was rather daunting, especially if they were ticked off. But Furuichi’s cool logic had no effect.

Instead of squashing the centipedes that crawled around the room, Oga had taken to punching the manual’s face over and over again. Though no matter how many times it crumbled, the face (and wall) would immediately reform while giggling and repeating “Never gonna happen!”

So Furuichi was left to squash centipedes by himself. Since he only had to step on ten, it didn’t take very long. Soon he was by Oga’s side to inform him they could finally move on.

Just then, as Furuichi told Oga he was done, a centipede dropped from the ceiling and onto Beel’s arm. The baby took one glance and instantly started crying and flailing his arm. Electricity bounced all over the entire room, shocking both teens and frying every centipede to a crisp.

As the teens lay smoking on the floor, the manual face cheerfully assessed the damage.

“Congratulations!” the face sang. “You have successfully squashed fifty-six centipedes!! You will now be sent back three tunnels!!”

“But I only squashed ten!” Furuichi protested. “The rest were burned up!”

“That’s right!” Oga joined in. “Burning centipedes doesn’t count! Let us move forward you manual asshole!”

“Now sending you back three tunnels!” the face disregarded them and a hole opened up in the floor. 

“Down isn’t going backwards!” Furuichi screamed as they fell. Above them, the giggling face got fainter and fainter. 

They landed in an undignified heap with Beel laughing on top. Sparks flew off his chubby arms as he flapped them.

“Don’t you dare laugh,” groaned Oga, getting to his feet. “It’s your fault this happened. I thought you were through being scared of bugs.”

“Mah!” Beel shook his fist, suddenly serious. “A dah buh! Mah!”

“If you’re going to be manly about defeating bugs then don’t throw a tantrum when they land on you!” Oga lectured. “It’s fine to be surprised if they suddenly drop down on you. People will understand that. But it’s nothing to cry about!”

“Right, but anyways,” Furuichi gazed around the room. After years of Oga springing unexpected situations on him, Furuichi had learned to adapt and move on fairly quickly (although that didn’t stop him from loudly voicing his complaints). “Where are we this time?”

The room was empty except for a narrow door on one side. Oga rattled the handle but the door refused to budge. Another face materialized on it instead.

“Oh great. Not again.” Furuichi rolled his eyes. 

“Passing through this room will require a sacrifice!!! Squash exactly ten-“

“Shut up!” Oga roared. “I don’t have time for this bullshit! Just take us to the gundrop already!”

“Gugundra you mean,” Furuichi deadpanned. Oga punched him without looking.

“Passing through to the Gugundra will require a princely action!” the face exclaimed. “You must-“

“Wait a minute!” Furuichi interrupted from the floor. “You mean we don’t have to keep wandering through this labyrinth? We can just go straight to the Gugundra?”

“Tell us that sooner!” 

“Adah!”

“ _Passing through to the Gugundra will require a princely action!!!!_ ” the face repeated more fiercely. “You must give a big smooch to your partner! Lip contact only! Any other kind of kissing and you will be sent right back to the beginning! Failure to do any smooching and you will be trapped here forever!!! Never gonna let you out! Definitely not gonna happen! Absolutely never! (LOL!!!)”

Furuichi expected Oga to start punching the face again but instead was met with silence. Curious, he peered over at his friend.

Oga stood rigidly while staring stone faced into space. Sweat drops beaded his face. This reaction wasn’t out of the ordinary, now that Furuichi thought about it. Oga had always been repulsed by romance. Even though he seemed to attract all sorts of hotties (damn you, Oga!), he was more interested in fighting than love.

Furuichi himself was also displeased with this requirement. He had no problem with kissing but he didn’t want to make Oga uncomfortable (not that he believed Oga was even gonna do it). But going back to the very beginning and going through all those demon words again… he’d almost rather be trapped here forever. 

Of course, the face never specified who had to kiss who. It just said the partner had to be kissed. So if it was Beel then maybe…

“Hey, Oga?” Furuichi was careful to be gentle with his tone. He didn’t want to scare Oga off any more than he already was. “Why don’t you just-?”

He never got to finish his sentence. Oga had squared his shoulders and in one swift movement, planted a stiff kiss onto Furuichi. The blush that spread across Furuichi’s cheeks matched Oga’s entirely red face.

The door opened and they wordlessly entered the room (except for Beel who was now singing). A box, helpfully labeled Gugundra, sat on a pedestal. It shone in the light coming from a hole in the ceiling that lead back outside.

Oga picked up the box and looked up. After a few moments, Furuichi finally plucked up the nerve to speak again.

“Um, Oga?” he asked timidly. “What made you decide to do it?”

“Idiot Furuichi.” Oga still refused to look at him. “Like I wanted to be stuck down here any longer.”

“No, I understand that. But…” Furuichi placed two fingers on his lips. Oga was a terrible kisser. Absolutely no technique whatsoever. “But then why didn’t you just kiss Baby Beel?”

Furuichi expected Oga to be shocked at this realization but he ended up surprising Furuichi again. Turning his gaze back to Furuichi’s face he asked, “Did you not want me to do it?”

Furuichi had to fight to not turn his face away. “I never said that,” he replied.

“Then we’re fine then.” The red overtook Oga’s face again and he returned his attention to the ceiling and the freedom beyond it. 

“Actually, we’re not.” Since it had come to this, Furuichi decided to see it through.

“What do you mean?” Oga was looking extremely uncomfortable again but Furuichi wasn’t backing down this time.

“You suck at kissing,” he deadpanned. “We’re going to have to practice that.”

For a moment, Furuichi feared he had gone too far. This could jeopardize their friendship. But Oga merely gave a smirk and grabbed Furuichi around the waist. With a single jump, they were finally on their way outside and away from the labyrinth.

“Idiot Furuichi.”

 

~~Beelzebub~~

 

The Gugundra turned out to be a magic glue that could put anything back together again. Oga furiously told Hilda to just buy superglue next time. (Hilda responded by smacking him with her umbrella).

Furuichi didn’t mind. The Gugundra had brought him and Oga together after all.


End file.
